I finally completed my bedroom/sacred space/office reorganization! It’s been a hard journey. The clean up triggered my back pain and depression/sleep problems. I went through several days of popping pills and over-the-counter meds, wondering if I was going to start another cycle of pills and illness.
Last night, though, I popped a trazodone and christened my meditation closet by listening to another lesson of Mahamudra for the Modern World by Reginald Ray. The meditation practice starts with something called the Mahamudra Entry Protocol which consists of 2 sets of 12 cycles of very very deep breathing lying down, and one cycle of deep breathing sitting up. It’s gruelling and makes me cough, but it gets rid of stale air.
Before completing the guided meditation, I became tired and went to bed. I read an e-book, and fell asleep, sleeping through the night. I woke up sleepy but was pleased to have gotten a full nights sleep.
The dharma makes so much sense listening to the lessons. But when I put the lessons down and go about my life, I find that it’s not so simple. Will I ever have a life where that doesn’t happen? … Where the dharma will be strong enough in me that I will no longer need pills or any other crutch to get through life?
I decided to google dharma online forums and found dharma-net.org. Reaching out to touch the dharma once again is a sign I’m feeling better. Maybe if I can keep reaching out when I’m in a state of feeling better I can weave my life mandala into something with more substance that the current delicate wisp form it currently has.