Ativan and Daily Routines

Somehow my WordPress front page has amazing and inspirational posts on it.  Must be something I’ve created in the past.  Coming to this page fills me with an inspiration to want to live!  May I learn more about others and continue to fill it!

One of the posts the other day said “just promise yourself to write for 10 minutes a day”.  So this is my 10 minutes of writing today.

The other day I found myself under my covers, wishing the day would go away.  This happened for several days in a row.  I don’t know what triggers these moments, but my pain, hot flashes, and stress all bond to create an army of misery against me.  Anyway, in desperation I got up and dug through a huge grocery bag of old medications and found a bottle with one ativan in it.  I popped it, feeling guilty about doing what felt like a devious, underhanded thing to myself.  My head started spinning, and I went back to bed, feeling a bit ashamed of myself, and fell asleep watching Netflix.

When I awoke, maybe an hour later, the dizzy feeling was gone and somehow my head had snapped out of my stress episode.  I can’t explain why, but since then I’ve stepped up my daily routine.  I’ve added meditation in the morning and meditation at night before going to bed, and I’ve added another yoga workout (making it a total of 2 yoga workouts I do daily — the PM one being a more gentle, calming one) in addition to my daily Chi Running.  So here’s a summary of my routine:
1.  Wake up and drink coffee and 3-4 cups of warm water with Citalopram (antidepressant) and aspirin
2.  Meditate
3.  Chi Running (more like a swift walk or super-slow jog) for 20-30 minutes alternating track and hilly trail days followed by 2 cups of warm water, and then keep periodic water throughout the rest of the day until about 8 PM
4.  The morning mditating and Chi Running help me work up to this moment.  It’s Mom’s paperwork — phone calls, bills, forms, filing, documenting.  Without having a pre-work routine, this time is very stressful.  The meditating and running help me focus through this and stay motivated to stick with it and do it completely and well.
5.  Moderately hard Patricia Walden yoga in the afternoon
6.  Easy Patricia Walden PM yoga at 9:30 PM
7.  Meditation
8.  Ambien at 10:30

It’s a strange daily routine.  In between activities I game or watch Netflix or go to bed and try to get some rest.

I sat down to write some inspirational thoughts I’ve had, and digressed into the nitty gritty of my daily routine.  I’m not happy about doing that.  On the other hand, life is about accepting what is and moving on without judgement, so I will do that and get on with my morning meditation!

Ativan and Daily Routines

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