Last night when I was meditating, I found myself clearing my head for a little bit and then having my agitation return.
“Ok, I quit,” I told my imaginary friend Krishna.
“Why,” he asked.
“Because I don’t have the patience to sit anymore. My mind is too frustrated.”
“Do you know why that is?” he asked.
“Because your mind is so used to its state of suffering, it has become the default state for you. When you enter a state of calm, it feels different and uncomfortable, and seems wrong. Your mind wants to go back to its normal agitated state,” he said.
“The purpose for meditation,” he continued, “is for your mind to learn the state of calm. Eventually it will learn to accept this as steady-state instead of resisting it and wanting to exist in turmoil.”
I nodded, and resisted the urge to get up at that moment, forcing myself to remain seated and peaceful for another few minutes. Then I gave myself permission to finish my meditation, in a state of peacefulness instead of a state of anxiety.