Today is one of those days. My dear bro texted me that I needed to do I9 forms on all of the girls, and then he forwarded a U-Haul bill to me that I have no information about and have to track down.
The worst thing that can happen when you have an eldercare issue in your family is for your family to be at odds with each other and withholding information from each other. Everybody who abuses their children or in any other way creates dysfunctional family situations claiming children are resilient and will be ok are live in another universe that is far far from the reality of this world.
An elder parent is like childhood coming back and getting shoved in your face. Brothers become like fathers in looks and behaviors. I’m sure I’m like my mother in looks and behavior. So we all have a repulsion to each other, trying to get real work, real problems solved. How I’m going to make it through this is beyond me. Tomorrow I will call my doctor and ask for an additional sleeping aid. Last night I took an ativan, half an ambien, and even then waited most of the night before I could fall asleep. And now, waking up to more problems, starts my day stressed out.
So here I am, chugging my morning coffee, popping ativan, prilosec, aspirin, and citalopram, trying to get through yet another day — Sunday at that, a day that all of my to-do work has to sit on my desk adding weight to my day. I’ve added another thing to my to-do list. See doctor for medication adjustments. Maybe something more to help my sleep at least.
Along a competely different train of thought…. here’s a story.
In the beautiful movie “Crash”, exists one of the most moving scenes I’ve ever watched https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1yXXGXhdkg . Matt looks into Thandie Newton’s eyes and says “Look at me. Look in my eyes. You’re going to be all right.”.
Last night while meditating, I saw my imaginary friend Krishna. My mind was churning and trying to settle. He gestured to me and said quietly “look at me. Look into my eyes. I promise you. As long as you see me, you’ll be all right. I don’t mean just for now, I mean forever. As long as you look away and don’t see me, your mind is clouded and off somewhere else that can’t help you. As long as you can see me, your mind is here. Present. Now. and in a place I can walk with you and help you. It’s here and I that can help you, not the past, not the future.”