The Object of My Dejection
The Daily Prompt: Tell us about the object of your dejection — something you made, a masterpiece unfinished, or some sort of project that failed to meet your expectations. What did you learn from the experience? How would you do things differently next time?
I’ve started and never finished lots of projects, but not really been dejected about it, I usually get busy with other stuff and just don’t have the time to finish and when I do have the time I’ve forgotten enough I lose track of what I’m doing and interest in finishing. Hubby teases me that I love the process of starting things. So true, I’m embarrassed to say.
I guess it’s been a disappointment that I’ve not been able to run regularly. The fact of the matter is, I’ll probably never be a runner because of some issue I have in my knee. I haven’t been able to run without injury for at least 20 years. In my old age, though, it’s no longer about achieving something as much as it’s about keeping my daily life productive and happy enough to want to get up the next day. With this goal I trust that even in old age a life can begin again and have some sort of purpose. The key is to keep searching, absorbing the messages around me, and making sure that I don’t get caught spending days in bed again, just wanting everything to be over.
On my dry-erase wall I have a huge project I started about 5 years ago. It was a recipe/shopping list android project. And there are fragments of notes all over the white boards I’m surrounded with: calculations, future enhancements, sample screens, variable names, etc. I can’t remember what killed this project, but I’m assuming some sort of work crisis or depression episode threw me off guard, and then I never came back. Now the dry-erase paint is falling off and that wall is a mess.
My goal for the time being is to simplify my life. Just managing the bookkeeping of my mother and my own household is enough responsibility. The rest of the day needs to be simple, meditative, and full of walking and yoga so that I can keep healthy to do what I need to do well. I think if I can achieve that, then when those responsibilities go away, my life may be stable enough for me to consider doing something more substantial on a personal level. I spend spare time doing Photoshop Elements tutorials. Yesterday I read the following in a blog and wrote it down:
Be Here Now
Knowledge is learning
something every day
Wisdom is letting go of
something every day.
— Zen Proverb
So I guess my goal right now is to learn something new every day. I don’t have the wisdom to let go of much. I’m working on that part.