Daily Prompt: Now that you’ve got some blogging experience under your belt, re-write your very first post.
The interesting thing I’ve discovered since creating this blog just a little over a year ago is that my life attitude hasn’t changed much since then. I’m a searcher. I’ve always been, even as a teenager. I’ve been searching for a purpose, for a reason why I was put here on Earth. Or trying to figure out if my presence here is an accident. Am I a blemish on the world, a mistake?
Yesterday I encountered a blog entry that talked about the difference between belief and faith. I’ve been living my life fuelled purely on faith — faith that something will come of me.
I’ve been a successful software engineer in my life. I’m good at that. But there’s more to me, there always has been. There’s a person who was protectively tucked away when I was a child, and I have never had a chance to free her. Did she die with the chemo and radiation of my cancer 14 years ago? Did she die from years of ignoring her?
The very first line of my very first blog entry is “Today is the beginning of my life”.
I notice that my dog behaves very differently towards me if I feed and walk him but pretty much ignore him otherwise as opposed to if I feed and walk him, but interact with him the entire day. If I nurture him, he acts very in tuned to me and my feelings, and he sticks to my side. Imagine if there were a person inside of me, also needing that nurturing… if I nurture her maybe she will tune in to who I am and stick to my side, strengthening me as a soul who feels loved and purposed.
I don’t have any evidence that there is anything inside of me waiting to emerge, I have to have faith that there is. And I have to treat every single day as though it’s the beginning of my life and open my arms, waiting to embrace and not try to control or predict whatever happens.