If you could spend the next year as someone radically different from the current “you” — a member of a different species, someone from a different gender or generation, etc. — who would you choose to be?
Yesterday I said to Hubby, “In all of our years of marriage, I don’t think I’ve ever asked you if you made a New Years resolution.”
“Don’t start now,” he replied. I grinned.
He’s out skiing now, bringing in the New Year with a nice hearty activity. I will do the same thing I do every day and take Pup out for a walk through the woods, and take my camera if it isn’t too cold.
There are plenty of people I’d love to be for a year, people I admire, people who are outgoing and have wit and seem to have their lives together.
But to every person there’s a dark, secret side. Am I willing to take the gamble and find out someone I admire deeply has a dark side that’s even worse than mine and then be stuck in a nightmarish year that will haunt me for the rest of my life? Who knows, maybe my own life is not so bad.
I have a lot to work on this year. I have family health issues to worry about, the finances and legal work for my mother and my own household, and my chronic pain. Thanks to Ativan and marijuana, my pain is completely gone. But my body is stiff from all of the working out I do every day, and my knees have issues. My chiropractor says that muscles do soften, but the trick is that after you’ve found the formula and gotten rid of the pain, it’s not a carte blanche to go back to previous ways of movement. It’s a signal that what you’re doing is right, and you should continue to do it and then the muscles will soften and the tightness will be gone. That’s when ease of movement begins.
I’m at the first part where my pain is gone. I need to continue to make this a lifelong work in progress if I want this cure to be permanent. That means I need to stick around for the next year. Keep walk/jogging, taking photos whenever I can, writing something every day, one or two yoga sessions, stretching, and meditations throughout the day. Just keep asking more of my body every day until one day hopefully I’ll discover true movement without stiffness or a sense of creakiness or knee pain.
Perhaps my spiritual self-discovery will happen when I’ve completely resolved my physical problems. That will give me the freedom to actually do more without physical discomfort — who knows, maybe even travel; maybe do volunteer work for some elderly person; maybe become a more serious student of photography or writing. Maybe run a marathon.
Maybe I could accomplish all this and still be — who knows, Legolas, my favorite character in Lord of the Rings. Lithe and accurate and a steady mind of steel. The only problem is that I don’t think Legolas knows how to use Excel.