Miscellaneous Somewhat Disconnected Ramblings


I love the Daily Prompt.  It’s like Words with Friends for me.  I never knew how captivating such a thing could be until I actually did it myself, and then became an addict.  It’s great fun, and also a challenge to try to think up outside of the box topics to write about.

I find, however, that I no longer fret about what to write about.  That’s good, but it also changes the natural course of what I would be blogging about — who knows, maybe I wouldn’t be blogging if it weren’t for the Daily Prompt.  Or maybe I’d still be where I was a couple of months ago, whining about my life.

In some ways, even though the Daily Prompt is about other random topics than my life, the way people respond to it says a lot about that person.  Maybe Daily Prompts are a way of pulling out the nature of our personalities through some back door — as though we were responding to an interview.  I have the Daily Prompt to thank for variety in my blog.

Given that there is no Daily Prompt yet, I will think up one of the topics that run through my mind to write about that I push aside.  That will be my Daily Prompt — writing about myself :p

I never give my chiropractor enough credit when I write.  He’s a runner and avid skiier.  He is very low key.  I’ve been going to him for a couple of years now — mostly twice a month, and then we experiment with once every 3 weeks.  If my back pain regresses, we go back to once every 2 weeks.  I haven’t made it past 3 weeks in the time that I’ve been going to him.  However, after my last appointment he says he see absolutely no stiffness whatsoever in my back, and so he wants to try seeing me in 3 weeks and see how it goes.

Oh my, it’s snowing outside, how lovely!  I didn’t know it was in the forecast, I love snow, especially when it covers up the slippery ice.  If we get enough snow, I can drag my cross country skis out and ski in the woods out back.

Anyway, I work very hard at exercising and keeping my body repairing.  I do about 1/2 hour of jogging or really fast walking.  Sometimes I’ll walk really slowly and meditate on my breath.  It’s all about being outdoors and feeling Mother Nature’s energies wrapping about me.

After Hubby goes back to work next week, I’ll go back to 2 yoga sessions a day.  Right now I do one session and spend some of my day watching Netflix with him or playing Twilight Struggle, our choice of entertainment for this past holiday season.

I meditate 2-3 times a day.  I don’t time it, but I try to sit long enough for my mind to calm, probably about 20 minutes at a time.

Of course I still do my host of drugs:  aspirin because of my cancer and a vascular bypass, citalopram to keep my depression in check, ativan which I take sparingly during the day for anxiety and to keep the edge off of the pot, and then one pill at night for sleep, and then as much pot as I want to get me through the day.

The pot is a wonderful performance enhancer, and I find that it does a good job at not only helping me with walking faster with good posture, it relaxes my body into the yoga postures and I have more balance and stretch.  I can roll my quads and iliotibial band on my foam roller while high on pot, even though the pain is excruciating.  It gives me the tolerance to explore the knots in my legs and work on them.  It also keeps me productive all day.  I don’t think I’ve spent a single day in bed since discovering the amazingly wonderful combination of pot and Ativan.

With the ativan I have no paranoia or edginess with the pot.  Pot comes in hundreds of different formulations, and there is a formulation that doesn’t give me the edginess, which I have.  But that one gives me less energy.  I love the desire to go outside, and take pictures or just commune with the woods or my dog, or put my photos on slideshow with background music playing, looking for artistic possibilities.

Anyway back to my chiropractor.  He’s angelic in personality. This week he says “whatever you’re doing keep doing, because for the first time the stiffness in your back appears to be completely gone”.  He is the reason that I’m continuing my fitness push even though my back pain is gone and I feel stiff and achy from all of the exercising.  He urges me to keep going and don’t stop just because the pain is gone.  He says pain and functionality are two things.  Once you have gotten rid of the pain, you need to get smooth running functionality back in your body, and that means to continue to work on it forever.

I’ve been on a depression/pain cycle for a long time now, maybe 5 years.  I’d work at it until I could find something to distract me and help me get sort of better, and then I’d get lazy and stop, and then the cycle would start again.  For the first time, thanks to my chiropractor, I’m better and continuing my routine.  If the spirits are with me, my muscles will eventually soften and my body will move freely, without soreness or creakiness.  If I can get my body to move completely free and without pain, then I’ll see how I feel about backing off of the drugs.  My chiropractor is almost like a fitness trainer.  I go off and do a bunch of stuff, and then he analyzes my body to see if I’m doing everything correctly.  He’s part of the toolkit that’s turning my quality of life around and making life worth living again.

My life right now is very peaceful.  My home is almost like a sanctuary, where I can meditate as often as I want in complete silence.  This is what I need to get maintain a frame of mind that’s true to myself and not get caught up in family antagonism or the worry of my mother or my mother-in-law.  Here I can make sure all of the legal and financial issues are running smoothly without being pulled into a place I don’t want to be.  This is the first time in my life I’ve given myself space.

When you’re dealing with elderly parents and you have siblings you probably can understand the complexities with having to work with your siblings.  Sometimes you need to step back and say “I wouldn’t do it this way, but I can’t have everything my way.”  It’s very different from working with people in a corporate environment where the team MUST come up with the best solution and debate and research and meet and brainstorm whether their personalities clash or not.

With family stuff, you have to accept that there is no right or wrong answer, and give and take with siblings is hugely important, because family fighting during crisis compounds a lot of things.  Families don’t work together like normal professional teams of people.  The issues are deep and emotionally charged, and there’s very little compromising for the sake of the cause. Which means that I need to be careful as POA and just make sure my part works smoothly, even if it means doing a lot of extra work to make sure I understand what’s going on.

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Miscellaneous Somewhat Disconnected Ramblings

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