One of the things I’ve been working on lately is in trying to be present for 100% of my day. As children, we get pressured by the world to conform, attract, be the best, the prettiest, the smartest. And we lose our real identities in pursuit of “success”, most often for the rest of our lives.
Some people feel the need to search for and question life, and some are perfectly content with the way things are. Hubby in particular lives in perfect harmony with his world. He is happy and content and finds great joy and entertainment in the things that he does. He’s not a seeker as I am. He’s an agnostic religiously. He’s followed me to churches and meditation groups out of curiosity, but I think on his own he would never be interested in that sort of thing.
I think there are a couple of things that work in Hubby’s favor. He had parents who loved each other and adored their children, so he grew up in a very nurturing home. He is also an identical twin. I have this theory that identical twins have an advantage over most people because they have an automatic support system where they never need to explain themselves. Hubby and his brother spent every minute of every day together until college, and then they consciously went their separate ways in college in order to gain some independence from each other. But imagine having another person in your life, in your face, who is in your exact image, whom you can communicate with without much talking to for your first 17 years. How cool and self-affirming would that be?
Anyhow, yes, I’m trying to be present for 100% of my day. I’m sure if there were a measuring device I would fall far short of 100%. But this is and I hope will forever be my goal. Because this is the only way I will be able to understand my reactions to my world. I’ve been reading that even if you find yourself reacting badly to something and don’t catch it immediately, if your watching mind is present, you can separate the watcher from the reactor and see yourself in the third person. Just being able to observe these moments is the beginning of being able to transform them. So my goal is to catch those moments of stress or anxiety and identify them, not worrying too much about changing anything but be aware and present so that I notice them. Once I can do that, the goal would be to catch them earlier and earlier and eventually be able to prevent them. But change doesn’t happen instantly. It takes patience, presence and watching.
It’s snowing outside. According to Hubby, it’s about 6 inches so far and it’s only 10 AM. It’s been ages since we’ve had a real snow.. in fact this is probably the first this winter, since I haven’t brought out my skis or snowshoes.
The world is this pristine white and simply gorgeous. The buds on my trees are little 2-inch balls of snow, like Christmas tree bulbs, and the pine needles have become white squirrels’ tails. All of the branches have lines of white, like millions of snowflakes sitting on the branches blissfully enjoying their one or two days of existence. The trees love to throw snow at hikers, so when I go out today I will wear my 100%-coverage rain suit and get the last laugh. Pup says “no comment”.