Today’s task: put on a pair of snowshoes and stomp a path from the house to the conservation trail out back and then help stomp out the public trail so people can hike and ski on it. My world is 3 feet deeper now.
It was a joyous day yesterday. Hubby and I played Uno and Mille Bornes, and decided upon Battlelore for our next game. We’re working ourselves up to Squad Leader, which will take forever to learn again.
After we gamed, Hubby made himself a martini and we talked. Pot has improved our relationship 200%. Maybe meditation has contributed to it. When I talk to him, I feel like I’m fully engaged in what he’s saying. This is something that over the years I’ve grown to stop doing. He’s just been background noise while I work, write, or worry about other things. The pot makes me a lot more focused on him and makes him a lot more interesting, even though I’m hearing his stories for the 100th time. It’s almost as though the pot puts me on an energy cycle that’s in tuned with his. He loves me stoned because he sees great connection with me, and he sees me being physically active and a lot more responsive to my world in a positive way.
There are maybe one or two people in my entire life that don’t trigger my social anxiety, Hubby being one. It usually takes 2 or 3 years of regular contact with someone before something changes and I find myself making jokes and really feeling relaxed. Until then, I have a physiological reaction to just their presence. I really think part of my problem is trust. I have a fundamental mistrust of people — not from stealing from me or anything like that, but just trusting them to know who I am inside. It’s like the “real” me is guarded. Only special people get to see that part of me — the part that makes jokes and talks about myself — the part that I blog about. It’s no conscious secret from people, I just feel that I don’t have the trust to share myself with others unless I know that they’ll accept me. Until then, my part in my social world is to be the quiet person who stands in the back while other people talk.
My Watcher mind notices this mention of trust. I’ve had this issue all of my life, so maybe it started with something as a child. God knows my childhood was so messed up all kinds of things probably got shuffled around in my brain. But now my Watcher mind is consciously aware of this behavior and will try to watch when I’m in these situations.
cannachinnate [kan-nak’-uh-neyt] – verb 1.To laugh maniacally after inhaling cannabis. Example: She was awake until late cannachinnating to youtube videos.
Hubby has a contribution to this even though it’s not his word, he read it somewhere: toasterphobia: The irrational fear of putting a fork in a toaster even when it’s unplugged.
Daily Prompt: Create a new word and explain its meaning and etymology.
Thanks for the idea, mrdrawerguy!