Daily Prompt: Live Dangerously! Use Baby Shampoo on Your Vagina!

Have you noticed that there is a different soap for everything?  There’s a soap for washing dishes, another one for washing clothes, another one for the hair, the hands, the face, I even have a special soap for the vagina, and a special cleansing cream for the, um, anus.  I know, I know, TMI.  I’m trying to make a point, though.

My point is, if you used the vaginal soap for your face, would it burn your face off?  Worse yet, would it make a vagina out of your face?

If I use face soap on my genitals, would a second face appear down there?

I always thought there was some sort of religious sacrament that would be broken if you crossed the line and misused a soap created for a specific purpose.  I didn’t know what, though.  Lightning would strike you?  The house would flood?  What exactly?

I was so convinced that SOMETHING bad would happen, I never tried it.

Until a good friend of mine invited me to his house for lunch one day soon after I retired.  I watched in total disbelief as he used HAND soap to wash his dishes!  “Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doing?!” I screamed.  “Where’s your dishwashing soap?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said calmly.  Of course it didn’t matter to him, the guy’s a Buddhist.  Nothing rattles a Buddhist.

I went home and tried it — at first cautiously.  Hand soap on dishes.  It seemed to work just fine.  Not even the windows rattled when I did it.  Somehow that rewired my brain.  Some sort of absolute, unquestionable universal truth was suddenly shattered.

I had a Costco-size package of Johnson’s Baby Shampoo in my basement.  It was bought when we were doing a lot of scuba diving.  Baby Shampoo is good stuff for cleaning scuba masks because it makes them fog-free.  After we stopped scuba diving, though, this package of two huge containers of baby shampoo sat idly in the basement.  After all, we have no babies, what the hell was I going to do with it?

I brought the baby shampoo upstairs, and as totally gross as it sounded, I tried using it to clean my hair.  I discovered much to my amazement that my hair was softer!  I tried it on my vagina (ok, TMI, I know, but stay with me here).  It was so gentle, my vagina didn’t sting!  Even that special vaginal soap wasn’t that gentle!

I experimented with more cross-uses.  I used organic lemon all-purpose soap on the dog, and he didn’t die.  I used shampoo in the washing machine — THAT was not a good idea.  Somehow the washing machine wants real washing machine soap or it gets all sudsy-weird.

I used my vaginal soap as bubble bath.  It wasn’t the best bubble bath I’ve had, but it was acceptable enough.  After all, I had to use it for SOMETHING.  I wasn’t going to use it on my vagina ever again, that’s for damned sure.

So I’m just sayin’.  The next time you need your vagina cleaned, don’t buy that $15 vaginal garbage, just buy Johnson’s Baby Shampoo.

Think of a topic or issue about which you’ve switched your opinion. Why the change?
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