Susan Interviews Donald Trump


“Donald, thank you for coming. How are you feeling about the campaign today?”

“Great, Susan, simply great! America is crumbling, but we’ll get it back on track!”

“Donald, can you explain this? Do you really think Obama is a non-American Muslim?”

“Well, Susan, let’s face it, a birth certificate is not proof of anything, I don’t care how official you claim it is,” he scoffs.  “Hell, we all know what a Hawaiian looks like.  That man is not Hawaiian.  It’s a government cover-up. The Muslims are scheming to take the country over and Donald Trump isn’t going to stand for it. LET’S TAKE BACK AMERICA!”  Donald pumps his fist as he says this.

“But… you DO know that Obama is Christian and not Muslim, don’t you?”  Susan cocks her head, raising her brows at him.

Donald squints at her and then shrugs, “Maybe he is, maybe he’s not.  Just because he says he is isn’t absolute proof.”  He whips out a Bible from behind him and shakes it in the air, “I’ve read this wonderful book from cover to cover — it’s my all-time favorite book.  Don’t you think I’d recognize a Christian when I see one?”

“Donald, you say America is falling apart. In what way is it falling apart?”

He waves his arms.  “Just look around you! We have 11 million illegal immigrants taking our jobs and raping and killing our citizens. We need to round up all 11 million of these scumbags and GET THEM AND THEIR BABIES THE HELL OUT OF OUR COUNTRY by whatever means necessary!  And hey, this is important, guys!”  He points his finger at the camera.

A spray of fine spittle catches Susan squarely in the face.  She blinks and turns away for a moment before continuing.  “How does that align with the 2 million Syrian refugees that are risking their lives to escape a humanitarian crisis?”

“Not our problem, Susan, that’s Europe’s problem.  If they try coming here, I tell you what. It won’t happen ON MY WATCH. I’ll recall every last troop from around the world and bomb them to smithereens if I have to do that.  We need to keep our country safe and that means no Muslim-or-any-other-non-Christian refugee.  I’ll drop a nuclear bomb on Syria and bomb every single Muslim off the face of the planet if that’s what it takes.  In fact, that oughta save everyone a lot of time and trouble.”

“Donald, just a side note: You do realize they are not all Muslim — in fact many are Christian — and that most Muslims are not extremists but normal people, don’t you?”

“Whatever.  They all look like Muslim extremists, that’s all that matters.  I might accept a Christian or two, but only if they look Christian — IT’S ALL ABOUT APPEARANCES, GUYS, COME ON!  IF YOU WANT TO BE A CHRISTIAN YOU NEED TO LOOK LIKE A CHRISTIAN.”  He turns from the camera back to Susan.  “And by the way… Obama has been on the warpath against Christianity from day one.”

“But Obama is Chri…”  Susan sighs.  “Ok, so… you’d still bomb [the rest of] them to smithereens’?”  She wriggles her quote fingers in the air.

“Absolutely, make no mistake about it!”  He stops, then adds, “We might go in and find the Christians-who-look-like-Christians first… my people will come up with something workable.”  He nods his head.

“Donald, what do you think is the greatest concern facing America today?”

“Well, Susan, this is what I’ve been saying all along. The lack of a wall along the Mexican border is the biggest challenge we face today…”

“Donald, it seems like your polling numbers are sagging. What do you think about that?”

“… and let me add, we’re not doing enough to punish illegal immigration.  We need more severe punishment.  Special high-security prisons and/or interrogations followed by deportation back to their country of origin is the first step I’ll take as president…  And by the way, my numbers aren’t dwindling, those numbers are the manipulation of the political machinery which is a travesty in America… thanks to Obama,” he mutters under his breath.

“What will you do if you lose the primary?”

“I won’t. The American people have spoken. AMERICA NEEDS AND WANTS DONALD TRUMP!”

“I mean, but if you do… what do you think you will have learned about yourself?”

“I won’t!  Donald Trump has not ever and Will. Not. Ever. lose at anything.  You’re asking leading questions now.”  A strand of yellow hair falls free of its Justin-Bieber-Do-For-Seniors hairspray and flops on his forehead.  “You know what, this interview is over.”  Donald waves his hand dismissively at Susan as he storms away shaking his head just a bit too vigorously, grumbling, “Damned media.”


Written in response to today’s WordPress Daily Prompt Mountaintops and Valleys : Describe a time when you quickly switched from feeling at the top of the world to sinking all the way down (or vice versa). Did you learn anything about yourself in the process? Thank you for suggesting this prompt, rollingblogger!

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Susan Interviews Donald Trump

9 thoughts on “Susan Interviews Donald Trump

  1. I for one, am simultaneously thrilled and scared to death of what this campaign season is revealing about my fellow citizens. But at least people are wearing their hate openly. Trump’s campaign–as well as Walker’s, and Cruz’s, and Christie’s–has been like someone tossed up a huge cloud of glitter and it is only sticking to people who hate, so now we can see them clearly.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I believe his day will come when he is forced into the reality that he will not be the nominee….just wonder what his reaction will be. Money doesn’t buy everything nor does favors to friends and business associates. This country is in desperate need of a Real leader…someone who will act in the interest of US and not for self or political gain.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Honestly, if you listen to him, you’d get that he’s not running because he gives a shit about being a servant for the nation. If he were serious, he’d put a little bit of effort into thinking about the real issues. Donald Trump is all about Donald Trump, and he makes no secret about it. Does that honesty qualify him to be president? I don’t think so!

      Like

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