Donald Trump talks about… Himself

“Donald, can you name five things that make this country great?”

Donald Trump shoots back, “Well, Susan, me…. that’s one.”

Susan nods, “Of course.”

“My beautiful wife and all of the luscious female followers that gush all over me. That’s a clear two…”

Susan raises a brow, “Okaaaayyyyy…”

Donald taps his chin, “Let’s see now…. Oh, my Justin-Beiber-Do-For-Seniors hairspray. Great stuff! Hey Beibs!” He waves to the camera.

“That’s three”

“Hm… there’s not really much else I can come up with. The country is NOT great, it’s hamburger meat.”

“Donald…. did you just call America ‘hamburger meat’?”

Donald nods, “Raw… with a Wonder Bread bun, drowned in ketchup, mustard, relish, onions, and sauerkraut. Throw in a sprinkling of Obama Muslim-ness, put it in a paper bag, shake it up, and send it to Google Maps. It would be a more accurate picture of the mess we’re in today.”

“Donald, Obama is not a Muslim,” Susan rubs her forehead then continues. “You can’t say ONE POSITIVE thing about the United States?”

“It’s made me filthy rich… Wait, NO NO, I made me filthy rich.” Donald muses.

“But… you can be Donald Trump in the United States. You can belittle the President, you can run for his seat, you have the freedom to bombast the country.” Aren’t those great things?

“I suppose…” he says thoughtfully. “That’s probably not enough to qualify for the number four spot, though.”

“And compared to the rest of the world, we live in relative safety and wealth, don’t you think?”

“I wouldn’t know about that. My safety comes from the world-class security that guards me.”

“Donald, why are you even running for President? Don’t you even LIKE the United States?”

“I will LOVE it as President, I PROMISE you! I’ll ADORE it! First we need take the country back and recreate it into a country I want to live in. Just like me, the country needs a world class security system, starting off with more and more and higher and higher fences. And then we need to go through every single issue — gay marriage, terrorism, others — and throw the Book at them!” Donald waves his Bible. “Then you can come to me and ask me how I like America.”

“Donald, what do you mean by ‘others’?” Susan wriggles quote fingers in the air.

“You know… others.  Others others others.  People that don’t belong here.”

“Such as?”

“Well, women for one. I mean, they’re all beautiful, don’t you go misquoting me again!”  He chuckles.  “Some of them in fact are absolutely gorgeous! And sexy! I acknowledge we need them for… you know, procreating and such, but sheesh…” His voice trails off as he shakes his head.

“Who are the OTHER ‘others’, may I ask?” Susan tilts her head at him.

“Susan, I’m not going to get into specifics. Let me just say that if you don’t look like you belong here, you probably don’t… Starting with Obama.  Oh, I’m not talking about the Native-American Indians, by the way.  We need them to run our casinos.”

---

Written in response to today’s WordPress Daily Prompt Home Turf : Name five things in your house that make it a home.  Thanks for the lovely prompt suggestion, thekyleinator!

Ben Carson on Muslims

Susan looks up at Ben Carson as he sits politely, his hands in his lap, waiting for the first question. “Dr. Carson, how do you feel about electing, say, a Muslim for the presidential office?”

Ben smiles calmly. “I’m pretty sure that a Muslim terrorist in the White House is against the Constitution, Susan, so I wouldn’t support it.”

Susan raises a brow, “But… what about a non-terrorist Muslim — You DO know that most Muslims are not terrorists, don’t you?” She presses.

Ben shakes his world-famous-surgeon head, holding his hand up. “Let’s be clear here, this is a Christian country — created by and for the Christians.”

“Dr. Carson, can you be more specific? Where in the Constitution does it say that the official religion of the United States is Christianity?”

“Actually, I’d rather talk about what I believe, not the exact wording of the Constitution. For the safety of all America, let’s just assume the Constitution forbids anyone but Christians for the office of the President, shall we?”

Susan looks past Carson at the news crew behind him. She croaks, “Is that what your parents believed?”

“Well, Susan, yes as a matter of fact.  I come from a strong Christian family, and yes my parents did believe that. Of course, in some ways I used to disagree with that attitude, but only in some very minuscule, irrelevant ways — teen rebellion and all that, you know.”

He chuckles then continues, “I’m a busy world-class neurosurgeon and much smarter now, as I’m sure you can see.”  He gestures down to the surgical scrubs he’s wearing.  “I simply don’t have the time nor inclination to read the Constitution from cover to cover to validate or invalidate something which is a fundamental fact of life.  In my opinion, only a Christian would have the correct skills and attitude to guide this country safely through the 21st century.  If it’s not specifically stated as such in the Constitution, it ought to be.  We need to take back our inalienable right to make this country Christian again.”

“What about other religions?”

“What about them?”

“How does your world view take non-Christian Americans into account?”

“I wouldn’t know anything about non-Christian Americans, Susan, if such people even exist.”

Susan nods, “Yes, Dr. Carson, you’re really smart. An understated smart.”

Ben Carson nods.

“Dr. Carson, one last question. Do you believe Obama is Muslim or Christian?”

Ben brandishes a wide, I’ve-got-this-one grin. “I’m pretty sure he’s Christian,” he smirks.  “If he weren’t, none of us would be alive today.”

---

Written in response to today’s WordPress Daily Prompt I’ve Become My Parents : Do you ever find yourself doing something your parents used to do when you were a kid, despite the fact you hated it back then? Thanks for the fun prompt suggestion, Y!

Donald Trump Talks About Love

Susan watches Donald’s entourage flock around him, fretting over his hair, clothes, and makeup. After an eternity, they leave. She again turns to Donald as he beams pearl white teeth at her.

She looks down at her notes and continues.  “Donald, how far would you go for someone you love?”

“Huh?”  Donald frowns comically with his neck tilted forward and eyes wide.

“I said, ‘How fa…'”

“I heard I heard that!” Donald flaps his hand at Susan. “I’m talking about the l.l.l.l.l.o.o.o.o.o.” His mouth freezes, speechless for the first time in his entire life.

“love?” Susan coaxes, leaning forward and twirling her hand.

“Aaaaaaaarrrggghhhhhh!” Donald falls to his knees in agony, covering his ears.  Then he stops.  “Wait… were you talking about love for myself??”

---

Written in response to today’s WordPress Daily Prompt Take Me to the Moon : How far would you go for someone you love? How far would you want someone else to go for you? Thank you for the prompt suggestion, amommasview!

Rambo Flash Fiction

Yesterday we had a wonderful hike up the local mountain. The weather was cool with a warm breeze, and the summit was packed with hikers, wedding parties, dogs, rangers, and birdwatchers.

To celebrate the absolute goodness of my day, I stayed up all night smoking pot and watching Rambo. Why was I watching Rambo? Dunno, maybe because in my marijuana-induced haze, young Silvester Stallone is cute. The energy he exhibits as a survivalist is captivating. He lives with an intense single-minded focus:  be ready to kill at any instant — deer, people, puppies… basically anything that crosses his path.

In honor of Rambo, here’s my Daily Prompt contribution:

George stepped gingerly through the thicket, looking around, his AK-47 cocked and ready to shoot. It didn’t escape him that his hands were shaking so badly he wouldn’t in a million years be able to hit the side of a barn.

It turned out ok, though, because it took only a second for Rambo’s wire cinch to flip George’s head off. It rolled on the ground, looked up at Rambo with its mouth open in an O shape, tears streaming, and then rolled over one last time and came to rest face-down with its chin on the ground.

== 100 words ==

---

Written in response to today’s WordPress Daily Prompt Mouth Drop : In exactly 100 words creatively describe one moment when your mouth dropped open, chin hit the ground, and tears rolled down your face (figuratively or not). If you prefer to develop this into a longer post, that’s fine too! Thanks for the prompt suggestion, T. Dwella!

FFAW: The Tour

Photo Credit: Etol Bagam

Andy led the tourists across the bridge and along the path to the bottom of the waterfall, chatting away. They were captivated as he gave highlights of the geological and biological history of the site. When they reached the bottom of the waterfall, he said, “Wait here,” and disappeared.

A set of huge ice cold orange eyes appeared from a cave under the waterfall. A forked tongue swept the tourists down the cave and into poison fangs, and the giant serpent slinked back into the depths of the cave.

Andy tried on the left over clothes and jewelry and pocketed the money. It was a symbiotic relationship: The serpent got food, and he got the bootie. How long would this spell last, he wondered.

== 124 words ==

---

Thank you to Priceless Joy for sponsoring the flash fiction challenge, Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers, where we write a piece between 100 and 150 words (more or less 25 words) in length inspired by the photo prompt above. Everyone is invited to participate, just click on the blue froggie to add a link your piece.

MLMM: The Student

Photo Credit – NEKNEERAJ

From the very second this boy was born, he was special. He came out of the womb with his eyes open, and smiled.

He would spend many hours, even as a toddler, with his face turned to the sky. What was he thinking? Who was he talking with?

As he walked through the woods, the animals tolerated his presence. It was as though he belonged there.

He grew up a great calligraphy master and spiritual teacher, loved by all who knew him.

One day a space ship came and took him away. Earth had been the perfect incubation for learning all about humanity. The fate of the Universe depended upon other civilizations learning the way of peace, for the rest of the Universe was many times more savage than Earth.

== 130 words ==

---

Thanks to Neeraj (NEKNEERAJ) for hosting Photo Challenge #71, Habitat, July 28, 2015. He presents us with a photo and asks us to write a poem or short story based upon it. Everyone is welcome to participate.

When you’re done, TAG the post Photo Challenge and MindLoveMisery’s Menagerie, and add your link to the MLMM Image Below. And don’t forget to link to this post. We can read your post sooner that way.

MFtS: Frodo and the Cape

—© 2015, Barbara W. Beacham

He thought he found the perfect hiding spot

Frodo huddled under his invisibility cape. “Is this thing working?” he wondered. He could see out perfectly, but could they see him? He stood up and headed towards the entryway.

“Harriet, our blender is running away!” Frodo looked back at the shrill male voice that belonged to Herb and began running.

“Herb, don’t you dare use that ‘blender running away’ excuse with me today! You’re not getting out of breakfast duty!”

Frodo raced to the front door, opened it, and ran to where Gandalf waited. “What took you so long?”

Frodo took off his invisibility cloak “I don’t think this is working.”

Gandalf saw Herb racing across the yard towards them and held his staff up, uttering a spell. Herb screamed, “Come back here, you motherfuckin’ blender!” just as they disappeared with the cookies.

== 134 words ==

---

Thank you Barbara Beacham for our photo prompt this week and for hosting Monday’s Finish the Story Challenge. Barbara provides the photo and opening line, and asks for stories about 100 to 150 (not including the opening line) words.

Everyone is welcome to participate in Monday’s Finish the Story by writing your story and connecting it with the blue froggy button.

SPF: The Beta

Photo Credit: A Mixed Bag 2012, Alistair Forbes

He jumped up and did a flip, and then raced to the town square.

“Hey there, Gary!” Desiree said.

“Oh, hey, Des!” He replied.

“Wanna go kill stuff together?”

“Ok. Let me regear first.”

“I hope they add some color in these characters for beta 2. Other than that, it seems like a well-done game, what do you think, Susan?” George looked around at the other side of the office as Susan turned to his monitor and nodded.

“I like it so far, but the figures are too…. roundish… almost like clay figures.” She did a dance with Desiree and then laughed as Desiree laughed. “Pretzels and beer before we start questing?”

“Sure.” George took a screenshot of Gary and then found a merchant to stock up on potions.

== 127 words ==

---

Join in the fun and submit your story for the writing challenge hosted by Alistair Forbes. He gives us a photo prompt and approximately 200 words with which to write our flash fiction story with. If you would like to participate, click here. Share the link to your story by clicking on the blue froggy below.

DP: Lottery

“George!”

“Yes, Susan.”

“We just won a billion dollars in the lottery!”

“What’s a lottery?”

Susan shrugged, “Dunno.”

“What are dollars?”

“Dunno that either.  Let’s go play.”  George chased Susan up a tree, chirping.

---

Thank you to the WordPress Daily Prompt, which today presents You’re a Winner!

MLMM: The Photo

They put their heads into the holes of the life-sized antique picture.

“Now, don’t smile! You know, back then you couldn’t smile, so let’s make it authentic.” The photographer raised his camera to his eye, “Good! Hold it… Alright!”

Photo Credit: Google Images

Mike sent the postcard back home:

Dear Mom and Dad:

Having a wonderful time in Disneyland. Check out this hysterical photo with the guys!

Love, Mike

== 67 words ==

---

Thanks to summerstommy2 for hosting Tale Weaver #23– Family – Across Generations. This week we’re asked to write a piece based upon the given collage.

Please TAG your post: Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie and Tale Weaver. Add your link to the MLMM image. In case the tale weaver gremlins are at work, please link back to this post, as well.